Trash.

OMG! Scroll thru past posts make me realized how stupid I am. Funny doh kau A. I wrote trash things with trashy language.

Again.

So today...

Today.

Today ive tendered after 2 years and 8 months service.
God. I have this mixed feelings in me. Im happy, sad and afraid all at once.
Happy that I finally have the guts to take the risk to leave this company. Sad that i have to left few people in this company who I care I love. And Im terrified of what wait for me after this. How this will affect my future after this.

Oh Allah, guide me.

Allah, aku memohon petunjukmu Allah. Bimbing lah aku. Show me whats right and whats wrong.

Relax. Put your trust in Allah. He will help. In Shaa Allah.

Whats your plan dear self? Whats next?

Goodluck A!

Love,
A.

Slit

Walking, working, barely breathing. 

My thoughts, far away. 

Heart aching, mind racing sleep does not come easily, nor last long. 

I still run,I still swing open the door, I stiall think you'll be there like before. 

Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? 

Some things a heart won't listen to ,I'm still holding out for you. 

I am tired of chafing my heart against the want of you,of squeezing it into little ink drops, and posting it. 

I gotta leave, I gotta go, there’s nothing here for me no more. 

I gotta be free, I gotta be somewhere that I can just be me. 

And I run, runaway. I’ll runaway. 

I miss you and everything you were to me.

You gonna miss me, F.

xx

Maki

Kata-kata kau tajam.
Tiap kali kau cakap aku terpaksa pejam.
Sakit.
Sampai bila nak macam ni?
Luar aku gagah.
Dalam aku rapuh.

Takut

Aku selalu takut.
Takut kau cakap aku tak ada bila kau memerlukan seseorang teramat.
Bila kau sakit.
Bila kau susah.

Tapi,
Kenapa aku perlu rasa macam tu sedangkan kau tak ada bila aku butuh.

Cinta gila.
Itu jawapannya.

Being used. Used to.

Perasaan.
Tertekan.
Tekanan.

Celaka.
Tak suka.
Sengsara.

Perasaan ni suka main peek-a-boo.

Datang berkunjung tiap-tiap bulan, stay for min 3 days.

Kecelakaan apa ni?
Nak dimaki.
Nak dicaci.

The feeling yang aku tahu kalau aku cakap panjang, kita mesti gaduh.
Aku tak nak gaduh.

Kau suka buat tak tahu.
Atau kau tahu,
Tapi kau saja taknak tahu,
Atau,
Kau tak nak amik tahu.

Kenapa?

Aku nak cakap tapi mulut aku terkunci rapat.
Hanya aku nak selamatkan sesuatu yang aku tahu takkan dapat.

Buat apa diperjuangkan lagi?

Soalan bodoh.
Si bodoh.

Apart

I realized that Im holding on something that didn't exist anymore.That the person I missed didn't exist anymore.


People change.


Things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works.

The Conversation

Any time we have a conversation

It's never what you wanna hear

It's funny how much words can hurt you

Even after all these years

I wanna make an observation

'Bout how you tear your world apart

And every time I try to tell you

You blame it on your fickle heart

How they're hurting you

When they're not deserving you

Are so, are so afraid of you

It's time to have a conversation

Give it up,

I'm never gonna hold you up

You've always been afraid of love

It's time to have a conversation

Waking up is never easy

So why don't you come over here

Tell me 'bout the dreams that haunt you

Tell me 'bout your secret fears

I wanna change your whole perception

If only I could make you see

How it's all your own creation

That's bringing you this misery

How they're hurting you

When they're not deserving you

Are so, are so afraid of you

It's time to have a conversation

Give it up,

I'm never gonna hold you up

You've always been afraid of love

It's time to have a conversation

The words you hear in your head

Were never said, were never said

The heart you break, you mistake

For me instead, for me instead

How they're hurting you

When they're not deserving you

Are so, are so afraid of you

It's time to have a conversation

Give it up,

I'm never gonna hold you up

You've always been afraid of love

It's time to have a conversation

Hurting you

When they're not deserving you

Are so, are so afraid of you

It's time to have a conversation

Give it up,

I'm never gonna hold you up

You've always been afraid of love

It's time to have a conversation

*You are far from usual*

It hurts to deal with a broken promise.

Yet, we don't have the right to blame the person who made it.

Because sometimes, they really tried their best to keep it but.......

When destiny comes in the way,

No matter how hard they try,

They have no other choice but to break it. 

Painful.

But can be healed by

ACCEPTANCE

Typical.

Im standing on a path full of destruction at this moment. 

What's done is done.

The past is in the past.  

Release.

Of course you will never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them. You stop allowing their history to have any meaning for you today. You let them change their haircut, let them move, let them fall in love again. And when you see this person you have to let go, you realize that there is no reason to be sad anymore.the person you knew exist somewhere, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.

Frustration leads to tears.

I had nothing but love for you

But you couldnt see it

Until...

I have no other choice than

TO LET GO

kalah.

Kita belum lagi kalah.
Jangan cepat mengaku kalah.
Jangan pernah mengalah.
Aku, kau, cerita kita belum sudah.

Syurga dan Neraka

Aku mencipta syurga aku sendiri. Serbuk putih itu teman sejati aku. Serbuk putih itu tak pernah tinggalkan aku, tidak pernah buatkan aku sedih dan menangis meratapi kesedihan yang bertamu di hati.  

Adakah neraka tempat ku kerana si peneman sejati, SERBUK PUTIH? Aku mahu bertaubat. Tapi serbuk putih itu sentiasa berdamping dengan ku seperti malaikat yang mencatatkan amal harian lagaknya. 

From a positive view (positif bagiku), at least it is there whenever i need it not like people who leave me when i need them. Mungkin satu saat nnti akan tiba masa aku akan bertaubat. Semoga masih belum terlambat bagi ku.

Wahai serbuk putih, terima kasih kerana tak pernah tinggal kan aku. Tak pernah mengecewakan aku dalam usahaku bagi mencipta syurgaku sendiri dalam melupakan kehidupan lama dan dalam membina semangatku bagi meneruskan hidup. Serbuk putih, syurga buatan yang kau realisasikan itu sangat memuaskan hati, akan tetapi maafkan aku. Aku terpaksa melupakan kau, menjauhi kau, membuang kau jauh dari hidup ku kerana aku masih takut akan balasan Neraka dari yang Maha-Pencipta.

C.I.N.T.A

Jatuh cinta dengan mu adalah sesuatu yang diluar jangkaanku.

Cinta

Adakah itu dipanggil cinta jika ianya ditemani dengan "Kenapa"?


Cinta aku ini takkan dinamakan cinta kita kalau aku seorang sahaja yang merasakannya. Oleh sebab itu aku akan menunggu jawapan dari mu dan mengharapkan jawapan itu mampu membuatkan ku tersenyum sehingga ke syurga.